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By bethany (dreadlock girl), March 1, 2010 23:04

It seems to happen on the days when I sleep in later than I should, the days when the world seems to be spinning a little faster than usual, those are the days when life gets the best of me.

We all have these days, the days in which our grandmas would have said that, “we got up on the wrong side of the bed”. That seems so meaningless- and when you think of the situations which we tend to let overwhelm us, they are really just as trivial.

We have an extra bill to pay instead of spending that dough on shoes, I didn’t get up in time to go running, Oliver gets the bigger ice cream cone, Brad doesn’t call me when I was needing him to, it is raining, it is cloudy, it is cold, it is hot, the house is dirty, I have no clean clothes, I have so much to do….on and on and on. However, I am a wimp. Even one of these non-hypothetical problems can throw me off for the day. If it is ‘the house is messy’ one, awk-there goes my week! Yep, it happened just the other day, the boys were fighting from when the got up and I hadn’t had my tea, my run, or most importantly any time with God and therefore allowing my circumstances control me and my mood.

Jackson screeched from the other room about how Oliver had hit him and not said sorry, and then Oliver started crying too. I stomped over to their room looking as grouchy as I could declaring, “You guys are acting horrible, and making me get into a bad mood”!! Did I say that!?! Yes, I did. The very thing that I have been working on my kids with- that others don’t control how they feel, or what they do. It is true for me too- so true. It doesn’t get any easier as we get older unless we work on it, does it?

Nothing has the power to rob me of my joy unless I allow it to, and I do let plenty things under my skin. Maybe not who gets the bigger piece of chocolate cake (don’t think I am above that though) but close.  I want to be more and more filled with Christ and the joy He gives which is certainly not circumstance based, but a commitment of lifestyle. It is so much easier for me to be joyful when I spend time with God, each time I fall in love deeper and the things that used to bug me seem less and less important.

What dictates your day?

PS. That chocolate cake sounds really good right now.

Comments (7)

By bethany (dreadlock girl), January 22, 2010 11:05

Jackson (5 years) told me that he wanted to write out the Commandments. We couldn't quite fit ten on his stones.

We have been going through seasons of change, of difficulty, of quiet and silence as far as direction goes. Recently we have heard God’s leading. A while back we felt God called us to be missionaries to Spain and with all our hearts were thrilled to go. When we visited Spain we just didn’t have a peace about it at all, it was an unmistakable ‘NO’. This was confusing, nothing short of devastating but I clung to the verse that ‘To obey is better than sacrifice’ (1 Sam. 15:22) or in my case it would be to obey is better than blessing- because I just couldn’t wait to go. As much as I know the truth in that, and in serving where He has called us it was hard. So then by assumption we just decided to stay at the church to which we moved, so that we could go and work with my parents in Spain, because maybe God was calling us there instead. I do not doubt for one second that God’s plan and will was even there in that. I actually know that to be true now.

At that time we decided to pray, we have been praying since we got back from Spain in September praying for peace and confirmation about what His will for us was. The uncertain thing about prayer isn’t that God hears or  answers- but that he does so in ways we don’t expect. I prayed that God would give me the ability to not be in the way as He lead. I mentioned before that we have felt in a holding pattern- in a silent place of waiting on God. That season just ended, we are in a new season. God has recently told us to head back to Calvary Chapel and as much as we are excited to go back home- I hate looking fickle. I am the type that once I make a decision I want to stick to it even if it isn’t the right one. But that would be disobedient- and sin. So with mixed feelings of joy and shame we decide to go.

But God wants to deal with even that feeling of shame in me, to take that guilt away and give me what He intended to give me all along. After it was confirmed that we would go back, I started trying to pray and thank God,” Oh God it is so good that you brought us to this other church to reach out, to stir things up and if only to meet one person who needed us- we are so thankful” I was once again humbled as God spoke to me about how that was part of what happened because of our obedience, but not why he brought us there. This is what He spoke to me:

When you realize your place through humility, through being broken and brought down low- only then will I be glorified. Because only then will you understand completely that any step above eternal condemnation is a gift and not yours to hold to tightly, or yours to boast of, find pride in, come to expect, or feel you have earned.

That is why there is beauty in the broken and why pain brings joy. Because only then do you not lean on yourself- you have no choice but to lean on Me. No longer will it matter if others think you are obeying or hearing, no longer will it matter because you are steadfast in Me. You have surrendered.

God spoke that to me a couple nights ago. I wrote it down and the first feelings were shock, relief, joy and then embarrassment. God was working on me trusting Him, which I already thought I did. But now I realize that for me it is harder to trust Him when He wants me to do things that make me look bad, make me look indecisive or confused, or when He tells me to stay and not to go. I can be so critical, so quick to judge others- why would I assume God would share His plan for them with me? He didn’t even share His plan for me with me!!

At womens Bible study (that I have still been attending at Calvary Chapel Corvallis) our leader Cindy has been challenged that it shouldn’t be ‘more of God and less of me’, but ‘all of God and none of me’. I agree, because no matter how many bad things I didn’t do, no matter how much I could have sinned growing up and didn’t- nobody owes me anything. Actually I am the one who owes, I owe a debt that I can’t pay. I am entitled to nothing- but through God’s grace I am justified.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. there is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3: 22-24

What has God been working in your lately? I’d love to hear!

Comments (3)

By bethany (dreadlock girl), November 28, 2009 00:04

God*Stories: Explorations in the Gospel of God
by Andrew Wilson
302 Pages
Non-Fiction
Christianity
July 2009
David C. Cook

I started this book last night and finished it this morning. I couldn’t put it down! The author, Andrew Wilson stormed the gates of hell when he drafted this one up, no question. GodStories is a powerful, life-changing yet incredibly digestible book on putting the punch back into God’s word. The truth is that it has always been there, but we Christians have minimized it down to suit ourselves and fill our little cups. GodStories is about ambushing our limited view of God, and what He has done by the study of key verses and very short (most not even 3 pages long) devotional type  blurbs  that will cause the reader to think, remember and be transformed all in the same breath.

Andrew Wilson shatters the ‘Christian’ thinking when he puts God back into the Bible and not just any god, but the God who can actually change things, who is all-out Holy, and who has proved Himself to His people. These GodStories take the reader through the Bible from the Creation of the world to when we will see Jesus face to face in Heaven. By reading the sections I completely understand what the author means when he says, ” If we are not careful, we can take a story about Jesus rescuing creation and reduce it into a story about ourselves. We can turn stories into statements, and poems into punchlines. We can miss the sweeping, triumphant, heartbreaking, and glorious stories that make up the gospel of God” (back cover, God*Stories).

I love understanding scripture better, understanding who Jesus is and how the prophecies led up to Him and the salvation He brought. It is so easy to make the stories about us, to strip them of all that brings transforming change and then wonder why there is no power in the Christians of this day. Why do we not stand where we should? Why do we not feel backed by each other through prayer? What has stolen our joy and life? It is our own lack of knowing God. What is worse is that we don’t even want to know Him because the image we have of Him is so small it makes Him not even worth it.

This book shook me, changed me and made me think about so many things, manly how I myself am completely guilty of this behavour, and that I want to change it now. I recommend this %100, perfect for daily devotional, for small groups, or just to read through it like I did. I loved this book!

Have you ever had a book be the perfect book at the perfect time? What was it and why was it perfect?

I am a Powell’s affiliate and I do receive a percentage of the sales of any book you buy using my links. Thank you!

Comments (6)

By bethany (dreadlock girl), November 16, 2009 00:01

There are seasons in life that are happy, and times in which you just sit and soak in the goodness. There are seasons that are hard and dry and others that are for replenishing. Just as the earth needs the seasons of the weather that God brings for growth and life, in the same way we completely need the seasons He brings to us in life.The season I am in right now, well I would call it waiting.

A while back we felt God saying things to us, telling us to do a couple of really big things.Things we didn’t really want to do, but stepped towards in faith. First He told us to have more kids. Brad wasn’t so excited, but wanted to walk in obedience, and I had felt we were to have more so for me it was mostly exciting that Brad + God + I were all in agreement. That was one year ago this month and I haven’t gotten pregnant. We have two kids, and both were conceived very quickly, so I have no doubt that this is God. What is He saying? Did we not hear Him? A year later it is easy to question, it is actually natural. But, then I stop and realize God will give in His time, for His purpose and to His glory- not ours. I am waiting, and most of the time with a very patient attitude (unless my hormones get the best of me).

Another huge thing we felt like a load of bricks to the face was that we were called to be missionaries to Spain. We struggled with God, got on our knees, went to Spain to visit, and all we got were closed doors. Not a yes in sight, only no. What is God saying to us? What is He wanting us to get from this? I have been wondering if it would be nicer of Him to at least tell us what our lesson is to be, so that I can stop guessing, but I do know that that is in His design too. God knows all, and loves us more than anyone so why do I need to worry? Still I do. Sometimes when my flesh is louder than I can silence, I do. Maybe worry isn’t the right word, mostly I am annoyed. Annoyed with God for not telling us where our next foothold is. I know that my annoyance with God in no way makes Him smaller, or less capable- it merely shows that I am human and I am imperfect and that He is even bigger for loving me through it, despite of my inadequacies.

For these two reasons I know I am in the middle stage, the waiting stage, the place of indecision and questions. I have choices right now, to glorify God even when I don’t feel like I am hearing Him, or to turn inward and focus on what would seem to mean that God isn’t listening.The interesting thing is He is still completely speaking to us, through us and it is a blast, yet in these two areas He has chosen to remain silent for this time.

I have no idea if I will ever have another baby, or if we will be missionaries in Spain but what I do know is that He is always faithful. He is faithful even when it doesn’t look that way. Lately I have been reminded of Joseph, he had a dream but it didn’t take place when he thought it would or how he thought it would. I think of Abraham of whom God asked to sacrifice the very son that he promised and who was conceived through a miracle- but then God wanted to see his heart, to see if he would obey. Yes, sometimes it does seem that God sends mixed messages but that is only because we are so limited in our understanding of it all. What do I want from this time in my life? I want the obedience of Abraham and the faith of Joseph. I guess I dream big but that is okay because my God is even bigger than my dreams.

Have you had a similar experience? Any wisdom to impart? Do share.

—Proverbs 3:5-6

Comments (2)

By bethany (dreadlock girl), August 4, 2009 06:40

Our friends, the Bocks (they have known me since I was 5 years old!) are leading an amazing ministry in Spain and all throughout Europe known as On The Red Box: Proclaiming Christ on the Streets of Europe.

They gather and pray together and then use props to help the listeners remember and relate to the concept they hear. From my time in Spain I know that witnessing in this way is one of the most humbling things that one can do. You stand there and people who don’t even know what you are preaching yell at you as they walk past, they laugh at you and then you realize just how much you rely on approval, and on the common consensus being that you are cool. It always made me think of Jesus and how much more it would hurt him, because when He was being laughed at it was direct, when we are mocked it says in the Bible that they are persecuting Christ, not us.

I had only heard about On The Red Box since about 6 years ago, but since there are videos up I just had to share them too. It is powerful stuff, the word of God spoken in the streets.

There is something about standing there proclaiming Christ that makes your blood run quickly through your system. Fear, energy and the power of God all contribute to the adrenaline rush, but just as God said, where His word is preached it will not come back without bringing change.

In this next clip Ben Bock (the son of the man preaching above) who is a college freshman pours out his heart to the crowd. It says something about a ministry when the kids are fired up enough by the parents to walk the walk too. It is a testimony of God’s faithfulness.

The Mirror from RedBoxMadrid on Vimeo.

When you do street ministry, you realize more than ever just how people would really see you if you were wearing a billboard sign that said: I am a follower of Christ, redeemed and forgiven- not by what I have done or will ever do. ASK ME HOW. Maybe I should make a shirt out of that. I love how people all the way in Europe can stir me on, inspire me to be aim to be Christ seeking instead of self-seeking and how to really lay it all down.

Thank you to all the peeps at On The Red Box, you inspire me!

For more information go to: On the Red Box

All images in this post are Copyright ONTHEREDBOX 2009

Comments (2)

By bethany (dreadlock girl), July 16, 2009 20:13

Author Photo by Audrey Hannah Photo

Secondhand Jesus
Trading Rumors of God for a Firsthand Faith
by Glenn Packiam
217 Pages
Non-Fiction
David C Cook Publisher
Christian Faith-General

Does God believe in the “American Dream”? Is He around just to make cuts feel better and pain go away? Do you really know the God you say you are serving? Are your notions of God secondhand? These are some of the questions Glenn Packiam will run by the reader in his book Secondhand Jesus. He does not cower from the truth, Secondhand Jesus aims to destroy the myths that there are shortcuts to knowing God. While reading this you are likely to realize that you believe many more rumors of God than you would feel comfortable with. If you found Jesus while in search for an easier faith, or CliffsNotes, or just a spiritual journey with beginning and end, you will be challenged in Secondhand Jesus.

When God puts His foot down we all feel the pressure, especially if it is right on top of a dream of ours. Our first thought should be, “well God does know better” and “whatever I am going through will only lead me to know Him more” but that takes a certain level of relationship with God. If that foundation isn’t there, we won’t realize it in the easy times but when the difficulties come around we will curse and scream and quit because He didn’t do what I thought he should. It is time to take God from where we have him at arms length and allow His embrace to cover us, both in the joys of life and the pain.There are many myths that our culture preaches that are not accurate in accordance with what the Bible says about God.

A circular trail of rumors can become verifiable truth, community’s dogma, in less than a generation.

• If you believe it, you can receive it.
• God knows your heart.
• God just wants you to be happy.

It sounds right. People we respect say it, people who know a lot more than we do. And we don’t want to miss out on something that might be true. We’ve heard it for so long, nobody has stopped to ask if it’s true or why we think it might be. (Secondhand Jesus, p. 44)

There are experts in medicine, photography, gurus of even the lost arts of Nintendo and Atari, if we are into that we respect them, we take their word as truth. With God, we do that too, if someone knows better than us many times we take their word as our sole source to God, we get lazy and apathetic thinking the Bible experts will find the verse that we were thinking of, or be able to explain salvation in an easier way to understand. Leaders are good, they are there for a reason, but there place is not that of God, they are humans too, mistakes will be made and they will fail–if your faith is in a human, you will be let down. Don’t live on rumors, on what others say, search the scriptures, know what you are agreeing to when you place God as Lord in your life.

The whole premise of Secondhand Jesus comes from Job 42:5-6 (The Message):

I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand–from my own eyes and ears! I’m sorry-forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.

That is the climax of the book of Job, and for me it really cut to the chase. I do not long to know God the way that I should, or enjoy him just for him as much as I need to. Secondhand Jesus re-enforced so many things I already knew and believed and at the same time it brought forth new ways of saying it that broke through to me–powerfully.

Secondhand Jesus impacted my life, Glenn Packiam made me think more clearly of God and who He is, but mostly it told me and taught me to search for myself, not out of guilt, pride or piety but out of love and a hunger to know God better daily. If I am at this same spot spiritually in even one year I will be guilty of living a passionless walk with God. I have heard it said this way, “if you aren’t making an effort to move forward, know that you are drifting backwards”. I loved this book, I am challenged, renewed and stirred–I would recommend it to any Christian, no matter where you are in your walk, it will get you thinking straight and challenge you too. I highly recommend it.

Visit Glenn Packiam’s Blog and read the first chapter of Secondhand Jesus

Hear what Glenn Packiam has to say in this Secondhand Jesus YouTube Book Trailer:

Comments (15)

By bethany (dreadlock girl), July 9, 2009 13:25

How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news,
proclaim peace, bring glad tidings of good things,
proclaim salvation, and proclaim to Zion, “Your God reigns!”
Isaiah 52: 7

When He says “Go”, pretty much all you can do is say, “sure”. I guess “No” would work too, if you had no fear of God or disobedience (think Jonah). God is calling us to move to Spain long term, to be missionaries, all we know now is that we need to be obedient, each little decision and step at a time. We are asking Jesus to call us out onto the water with him, to feel the faith within us swell when we are walking on the water, and then the second fear and dobut seep in His hand is there to catch us.

This is what our son Jackson (5 years old) had to say about Spain, the following conversation is what he said the first time we told him that we were moving to Spain for good:

b: God is telling us He wants us to go live in Spain and tell people about Jesus. We are going to live there and be missionaries for a long time.

j: (Huge smile) That is so nice of Him!

b: what do you mean?

j: I mean, we like Spain and it is so nice of Him to send us somewhere we already want to go! Isn’t that nice of Him?

It is more than nice of Him, we are honoured to be called, it is an honour to go, to be used, to get to live in a far away place, and get to sew seeds into the place where I grew up. Spain, it certainly is nice of God to let us go somewhere we want to go. Children and their blind faith–but maybe it is more than that, God spoke through a donkey didn’t He now?