I've summed it all up before, the last 3 years of my life pretty much- you should go read it so you can see how incredibly cool what just happened is. When God called us to Spain, I put my biggest dream of moving to a farm, living on some land, bee keeping, goat raising, blueberry harvesting away. Less than a month ago Brad's Uncle asked us to move out to the farm and live there. It is larger than we'd ever need, the house, the land, and the God that I serve, by large in all of the aforementioned- HUGE.  Not only is it a dream-- but it was one I had no idea how God would remedy. I've told Him often, either grant this wish or take it, I'll be content with either. But when we were asked to move to the family farm my brain popped and my image of God shattered, He is a very weird God- in an extremely great way. It won't be any time super soon, things have to get prepped and primped- but it will be in about 6 months.

So when that happened, I pretty much looked straight into heaven and thought to myself (and probably right at God too) saying: "Huh God, you are good, always good, I wonder if I am pregnant now too". I don't think it was a dare, and I know God didn't take it that way...but I am currently pregnant. Yep, sometimes people say things happen by coincidence, I think that they must be some of the most oblivious people in the world. Farm and baby in the same month,that is no coincidence.

If you don't believe God can do it, I dare you...give Him the chance. He doesn't love me any more than He loves you. God is just purposeful in how he loves us, weather through complete joy filled blessing, or trials that will bring the heart that He desires in us, which is bigger than any earthly blessing. God is stinkin' AWESOME!!!!

It also is no coincidence that I just started memorizing Hebrews 11 on Faith.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

In approximately 6 months we will be farm dwellers, and use the land (oh that is thrilling!!! AHHH!!!) and in the first couple weeks of June I'll be having a baby. That is a lot of news for one post.

Here is the summary with links if you'd like to be more clued in:

First we were excited to be missionaries, and have more BABIES!!
We waited and waited...
Then He said "NO", to the missionary thing and I wasn't getting pregnant.
Learned the humility that that required. (for both things)
And then I thought I just would never know why God did what He did.
Now I do.

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There are so many lies we tell ourselves, our children and everyone that we come in contact with. Seriously, when did God say He wanted the people that to serve Him to be happy? Or that we deserve to be comfortable? That His blessings always come sugar coated in the form of a gift, and not a trial? What Bible are you reading!?!?!

I have to laugh, if not I'd cry, when I hear people tell their kids that God will never let them go hungry. Really? Why not? Maybe because you are American, or because you have a credit card, you have a wealthy family that will take care of you or so much in savings that you could buy your way out- but certainly not because God said it to be true. How can we say this when most of the world is hungry, and many of them believe in Christ? We tell our kids these lies, these lies that God is going to keep and then wonder why they find God so different when they hit those college years and God just doesn't come through the way we promised He would. He never promised, we did that all for Him. We are liars, thus making Him one by association.

What about trials? Okay, brace yourself: trials are the single biggest blessing from God- when do you hear that? They are though. They are the times when you are closest to God, the most dependent on Him and the least secure in yourself and what you have to offer. God cuddles, embraces and would love to fill in every gap of need with Himself- but we so seldom allow that or even want it, we have other things that make us "happy". Even those of us who brace for trials have a problem, we power through them, beat them back by our own strength reading self-help books, coping and "getting stronger because of it"- that is not what God intended either. God just wants us to give up, to surrender to Him the day no matter what it has, to not trust ourselves, to not power through but just to lean into Him and not resist His embrace. Through each trial HE should become stronger in us. Why? because the bigger you are, the smaller your God is,  "He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less" (John 3: 30).

Why are so many disillusioned with us churchies? Well because we tell them "God is going to make your life better", and when they see the trials that come they think we are the biggest liars there ever were- and God gets clumped into our sorry little lot. But why do we feel the need to add a spoonful of sugar to our message? WHY? I guess maybe it is because we don't trust the real God. We have made God who we want Him to be, we've stolen the divine nature of Jesus Himself and allowed ourselves to make up who He should be in our heads. We rob God, ourselves and those we come into contact with when we do this- but it is a church epidemic. We don't let God make us, we make Him. It is easier that way.

We are mis-representing Christ, we are preaching the modern day gospel, the gospel that it would be easier to believe, a God that would be easier to love, and a life that would be worth crap even on the best of days. There are so many well intentioned but incredibly ignorant preachers, teachers and church-goers who steal God's glory, Jesus' power and the divine mystery of the Holy Spirit and give you a placebo, one that leaves the taste buds with a fruity taste but with nothing substantial to nourish the spirit within each man that cries out.

God does heal, He does desire us to be filled with faith, He longs for our love, He desires to be our hope, He wants us to trust Him- but not because He is predictable, or loving on OUR TERMS but simply because He is God and we are clueless. He is God, He is not how our minds entrap and create Him, He is God and I have just recently come to terms with the fact that I know so little about the one I should know the best.

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Walk with God today, ask Him what He is asking of you and where improvement needs to be made. Or just walk along side Him enjoying the immensity of His presence and don't talk at all. That's why today my words are few, I want to lean into Christ to rest.

Sometimes when I am having a hard time hearing God I write in my journal to Him, then I sit and await an answer- even no words is an answer. So often He will just surround me and I know how He feels, sometimes He gives me words of encouragement, others he has something He wants me to know, or something to leave behind.

I love the following song, God stills me each time I hear it. Close your eyes and listen.

Day 5: That Quiet Grinding
Day 4: Define Me.
Day 3: Grace
Day 2: Giving Up.
Day 1: Starting Out
Allowing Blank Space.
Consider Change
On fasting.

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[Photo Credit]

They aren't the large stones, or even the smallish ones, pebbles are the ones you might not feel when you start your run and yet by the middle of it they will make themselves known. Pebbles left in a shoe throughout a long run will rub the skin raw, causing blisters, creating a wound-taking the runner out by their mere presence -no matter how small.

What pebbles do I have in my running shoes, which after only a few miles will create sores and fill each of step with agony? A little character issue swept under the carpet here, another there, little thoughts, little words, bad attitudes hidden with white smiles, all these and many other 'little' things create problems in your spiritual walk.

Last night at our church's prayer meeting several of the leaders wept over the pebbles that they had allowed to be left in their lives while being too lazy to remove them, not even really feeling them-but for the repercussions these setbacks where having somewhere deep within.

We weren't made to run with that constant grinding, that nagging pain shoved down and ignored but out of embarrassment of its disclosure and the humiliation of its existence we leave them right where they are smiling at others through the pain. We all have these pebbles, we all have weakness. Jesus wants to remove your shoes, peel off your blood-stained socks, clean the wounds, let the air get to them and rinse away the pain as well as the guilt.

What if He chose a christian friend to do it? What would that exposure of your unkemptness show them? Just that you, as much as they need a good washing in the love of Christ. Be vulnerable, remove your fake smiles, let down the masks that glisten, be transparent, in that there is freedom.

Time to peel off the bloody socks.

Day 4: Define Me.
Day 3: Grace
Day 2: Giving Up.
Day 1: Starting Out
Allowing Blank Space.
Consider Change
On fasting.

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[Raw Clay] Photo Credit

If I really grasped what I looked like in raw clay form I would be more apt to let you work in me Lord. I think I am much more beautiful and useful in my natural form than raw clay, but you know the truth-that only when I allow Him  to mold me am I truly worth anything. Without His hands changing me I am formless, and then when I shove Him away after I feel I look a little better I am flawed.

This is what I read today in the bible and I thought it so fitting to what I have been thinking already this week:

¹ This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: ² “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” ³ So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. ⁴ But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.  ⁵ Then the word of the LORD came to me. ⁶ He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.    Jeremiah 18:1-6

When God wants to weed out character flaws, time commitments, or a wrong mindset I am to listen. When He longs to plant seed I am called to allow for it the best habitat of growth in me-not starve it out or throw it aside because of the work involved in the nurturing. It doesn't matter if I don't understand why, or for how long or what the end goal of God is. That is not my concern. I am only to be obedient at his first command, his first touch.

Define me Lord. I can't define myself.

Day 3: Grace
Day 2: Giving Up.
Day 1: Starting Out
Allowing Blank Space.
Consider Change
On fasting.

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