The Husband: Boys – I Highly Recommend Em’
In addition to my occupation as a devoted and loving husband to dreadlock girl, I am also employed as a wise, patient father of two small boys - Jackson and Oliver. Although, if you were to ask them to describe my parenting abilities, they might not use the words "wise" and "patient." They'd probably say something more along the lines of "silly bottom" and "diaper head." ("Diaper head," by the way, is term of deep respect and reverence in Jackson and Oliver's vocabulary.)
Now, don't get me wrong - all children are gifts from God. And little girls are sweet and they smell nice and they are always smiling and the way that their dresses swish about is truly delightful. But there are some very distinct advantages to parenting boys. If you do not yet own a small boy, let me share three of the more tangible benefits with you:
1. Boys are economical. There are really only a few essential supplies that you need to care for a small boy: a pair of jeans (patch as necessary); a t-shirt (dark-colored to hide stains); a box of instant oatmeal; and some jelly beans. You can raise a fine young man without having to buy much else. Any other nutrients that he might need he will get from eating dirt (which he will do whether you like it nor not) and from licking the slide at the playground. You can buy more clothes if you want, but I'm telling you, after one day on a small boy all clothes look the same - dirty. If you really need some wardrobe variety, you can always turn the t-shirt and jeans inside out.
2. Boys are low-maintenance. A few Saturdays ago our family spent a fabulous afternoon at my grandparent's cattle ranch. Jackson and Oliver, clad in rubber boots, stomped and jumped in mud puddles and cow pies - frequently ending up on their backsides. At one point during the day they smeared mud on their faces for "war paint." Jackson got his head caught in a cow fence. It was a fine outing.
But I'm not going to lie to you, on the way home, Jackson and Oliver smelled a little like, well, cow manure. They didn't reek of it; it was more like well-applied cologne. There was the essence, the hint, of cow manure about them. By the time we pulled into our 
driveway, it was very late and both boys were almost asleep so we sent them straight to bed. The next morning we had to wake them up early for church, and there just wasn't time to give them a bath before we rushed out the door.
The conclusion that you are about to draw is correct: I dropped my two sons off at Sunday school that morning smelling of cow poo. I own up to it. But here's the thing - no one cared. No one noticed. Little boys are supposed to smell. In fact, all of the little boys in Sunday school that morning smelled of one thing or another. Now, you just try taking a little girl to Sunday school smelling like cow manure and see what happens.
3. Boys are intellectually stimulating. The other evening I was enjoying a quiet night at home with Jackson and Oliver. The three of us sat in front of a blazing fire in the living room, the two boys wrapped in warm blankets. All was peaceful and quiet. And then Oliver, with a deeply philosophical look on his face, asked the following question: "Dad, what would happen if we threw a monkey into this fire?"
If you had offered me the choice that night between dinner with the President of United States and a rigorous discussion with my sons about the possible outcomes of tossing a monkey into a fire, I don't think I need to tell you which I would choose. It is a conversation that I will remember until the end of my dying day.
And so, for those of you who are considering picking one or two up, I hope I've clued you in to the considerable perks that come with having small boys in your household. Just be prepared to adopt "diaper head" as your new name.
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April 16th, 2010 - 04:49
Lovely!
April 16th, 2010 - 21:49
I read this to Ryan (husband) and he couldn’t stop laughing! Even though our little boy is a bit younger than Oliver, we see some of these little boy traits coming out. I can completely see him asking the monkey in the fire question! Great blog post. :)
April 17th, 2010 - 11:42
Jennifer – yes, I can absolutely see your little guy coming up with a question like that!
April 16th, 2010 - 22:04
Brad, this is marvelous! I love your writing – it seems like a wonderfully disproportionate number of people in our family write, and write well.
I must add one footnote to Item #1, though. I recall a phase during your high school years in which you came home from school every day and started eating peanut butter sandwiches, ate a full dinner with seconds, and then ate peanut butter sandwiches until bedtime. According to your mom, you went through a loaf of bread a day and a jar of peanut butter a week. Just as a heads-up, for when they still look a bit peckish after they’ve finished the jelly beans.
April 17th, 2010 - 11:43
Heh heh. Yeah, I downed A LOT of peanut butter sandwiches in high school. There were a few nights I ate five or six!
April 17th, 2010 - 09:30
As a mother of four boys and one little girl, I highly agree with this post. ;)
April 20th, 2010 - 00:27
Hi I am a random follower from New Zealand! I am new to the blogging world and accidently discovered this blog site and LOVE it, you guys live well, write well and I am totally in love with your site – from the design to the content, it is fabulous.
I am the mother of two young children Millija (silent J) 2.5 and Monty 7 months old. I secretly had fingers crossed for my second buba to be a girl. I loved the idea of same sex siblings for their long term friendship, hand-me-downs and familiarity and along came Monty, my beautiful, cruisy, would’nt swap him for the world BOY. I feel totally blessed to have had one of each, yet I cannot resist pointing out a few benefits for team girl, and the advantages that come with parenting these divine creatures;
1) Girls are swirly pink dancing machines.
I totally get that some people would put this straight onto their disadvantage list. I am strictly a jean, t shirt, birkenstock kinda girl myself. Even more the suprise to produce a glitter loving, party dress, 10 outfit changes a day, sparkling girly girl. And man is it ever entertaining. Infact I have gained my own personal entertainer. She makes my op shopping experiences a whole lot brighter – literary!
2)Girls are high maintenence.
Yep ditto number 1 re disadvantage list, but I see the bright side here, girls want to do EVERYTHING themselves, short term this can involve plenty of ‘deep breath’ moments but long term this independence that seems embedded in girls is cool. Girls do it their own way, in their own style on their own terms. So dont mess with them. Ha you gotta love that!
3) Girls are gorgeously emotive beings.
Ohhh the times my heart has melted from my hugs, kisses and I love yous. This all encompassing love and compassion is not only extended to family but any person who so happens to be deserving of wee girls hearts.
I think we can all agree that boy or girl. Kids rule.
April 20th, 2010 - 12:06
Tristin – Excellent points, all three. Especially the last one. My boys do tend to talk about chopping people’s limbs off more than they talk about loving them. But we’re workin’ on that! Thanks for the great comment. It’s pretty cool to know that you’re reading from New Zealand.
April 26th, 2010 - 09:33
Brad, Really enjoyed reading your posts. You are one wise man to hitch yourself to dreadlock girl. She’s one in a million. As the mother of 4 lovely daughters I really enjoyed this piece. :) I love reading as you all find the beauty of nature and the country life. I love watching how this life fits you all so well.
An Old River Center Friend, Heidi
April 28th, 2010 - 21:01
Good to hear from you Heidi!