Waiting
There are seasons in life that are happy, and times in which you just sit and soak in the goodness. There are seasons that are hard and dry and others that are for replenishing. Just as the earth needs the seasons of the weather that God brings for growth and life, in the same way we completely need the seasons He brings to us in life.The season I am in right now, well I would call it waiting.
A while back we felt God saying things to us, telling us to do a couple of really big things.Things we didn’t really want to do, but stepped towards in faith. First He told us to have more kids. Brad wasn’t so excited, but wanted to walk in obedience, and I had felt we were to have more so for me it was mostly exciting that Brad + God + I were all in agreement. That was one year ago this month and I haven’t gotten pregnant. We have two kids, and both were conceived very quickly, so I have no doubt that this is God. What is He saying? Did we not hear Him? A year later it is easy to question, it is actually natural. But, then I stop and realize God will give in His time, for His purpose and to His glory- not ours. I am waiting, and most of the time with a very patient attitude (unless my hormones get the best of me).
Another huge thing we felt like a load of bricks to the face was that we were called to be missionaries to Spain. We struggled with God, got on our knees, went to Spain to visit, and all we got were closed doors. Not a yes in sight, only no. What is God saying to us? What is He wanting us to get from this? I have been wondering if it would be nicer of Him to at least tell us what our lesson is to be, so that I can stop guessing, but I do know that that is in His design too. God knows all, and loves us more than anyone so why do I need to worry? Still I do. Sometimes when my flesh is louder than I can silence, I do. Maybe worry isn’t the right word, mostly I am annoyed. Annoyed with God for not telling us where our next foothold is. I know that my annoyance with God in no way makes Him smaller, or less capable- it merely shows that I am human and I am imperfect and that He is even bigger for loving me through it, despite of my inadequacies.
For these two reasons I know I am in the middle stage, the waiting stage, the place of indecision and questions. I have choices right now, to glorify God even when I don’t feel like I am hearing Him, or to turn inward and focus on what would seem to mean that God isn’t listening.The interesting thing is He is still completely speaking to us, through us and it is a blast, yet in these two areas He has chosen to remain silent for this time.
I have no idea if I will ever have another baby, or if we will be missionaries in Spain but what I do know is that He is always faithful. He is faithful even when it doesn’t look that way. Lately I have been reminded of Joseph, he had a dream but it didn’t take place when he thought it would or how he thought it would. I think of Abraham of whom God asked to sacrifice the very son that he promised and who was conceived through a miracle- but then God wanted to see his heart, to see if he would obey. Yes, sometimes it does seem that God sends mixed messages but that is only because we are so limited in our understanding of it all. What do I want from this time in my life? I want the obedience of Abraham and the faith of Joseph. I guess I dream big but that is okay because my God is even bigger than my dreams.
Have you had a similar experience? Any wisdom to impart? Do share.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
—Proverbs 3:5-6
Themocracy
You and I have chatted about this before. Having felt that same feeling, that same knowledge of what God wanted from me and then to have a miscarriage and still not be pregnant 15 months later – it IS a waiting. It’s a place of faith-building and a place to acknowledge that I do not see with God’s vision. I know He knows you just like He knows me and I know that we are both in the place where He wants us to be. Prayers for you, friend
I have no words of wisdom for you, but can say I think there are many of us who can relate. I know I’ve been in a waiting period with career for going on four years now. All I know is that sometimes we have to be quiet, to stop talking about our own plans long enough to listen to God to see what He has planned for us.
Perhaps more children means adoption?
I consider myself a spiritual person. I had a very rough childhood and it would be total ignorance on my part to think that God didn’t have a hand in my survival. Sometimes the listening/waiting stage can take a while.
No answers. But I have definitely been where you are…and have felt how you feel. Feel your frustrations. Struggle for wanting to control our life…I am someone who always wants to figure it all out, plan it, etc. Here have been some of my own thoughts on this regarding circumstances in my own life…
Do you think God asks obedience from us, not even that things will come to fruition, but just to see if we are willing to be obedient? And don’t you think that our “time lines” are irrelevant to Gods? Like Moses, sometimes He births something in our hearts ahead of time, and we try to figure out how to “make it happen” or go about things the wrong way (killing the Egyptian to save the slave from being beat). How and even if he works them out is so wiiiide open…maybe in the case of Spain it would be years and years down the road? Adoption?
You just never know what exciting things God opens up in His own time…
The latter part of Hosea 12:6 reads: “Observe mercy and justice, and wait on your God continually.” In Hebrew, the word wait can mean to bind together, perhaps by twisting. Or to expect and gather together; look patiently. Hebrew for continually means to stretch, continuance, extension. As I meditated on this idea of being bound together and stretching, the Lord gave me a simple picture: Tying a shoelace. You know how you stretch the loops apart to tighten the knot? That was the picture the Lord gave me, of being stretched in my faith but being bound closer to the Lord. And it’s the place I want to be because if I’m being stretched, I’m relying on the Lord for sustenance and comfort and peace. It’s when I’m comfortable that frightens me, because I know my heart and how easy it is for me to become self-reliant and drift away from the Lord and His will in my life. God bless you and your family.
Matt, thank you for that verse. That truly ministered to me. It is a hard season for us right now, but one of the sweetest times we’ve had as a family and for me personally with Christ. Thank you for your comment man, and tell your bride We love and miss you guys BIG TIME.